Greetings from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Vancouver must be one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Today is a gorgeous sunny day. The mountains that form the backdrop for Vancouver still have patches of snow on them.

While everything is still fresh in my mind I want to list some of the things that stand out after being away for so long and some of the differences between Seattle / Vancouver and Montevideo. Nothing here is intended to be a value judgment (except for the dog crap on the sidewalks!). Some things are just different between Uruguay and Washington State & British Columbia. In no special order:

1. No dog crap on the sidewalks. None. Haven’t even noticed any by the trees along the streets.
2. Most sidewalks here are in perfect condition. A few places where tree roots have pushed up and cracked the sidewalk are usually patched with cement or blacktop.
3. Roads in Seattle have potholes. Roads in Montevideo are usually free of potholes. Perhaps because it gets colder here and there are many more cars here.
4. There are many more cars here! Montevideo doesn’t know what traffic is. People there complain if they have to wait two cycles of the traffic light to get from Blvr Artigas to Avenida Italia. Traffic here is crazy in comparison. Both in the cities and on highways.
5. People drive between the lines.
6. Drivers stop when somebody is waiting to cross the street. To be honest, this is unusual even compared to many places in North America. When I lived in Seattle and friends would visit I’d always warn the ones who rent a car to be careful because cars in front of you may stop suddenly to allow a pedestrian to cross the street and to watch out for pedestrians who always expect cars to stop.
7. Some of the crosswalks here make chirping sounds to make it easier for blind people to cross the street.
8. All street corners are wheelchair accessible.
9. Electrical outlets have two sockets. In Uruguay there’s always only one socket. The only exception I saw was at a Canadian couple’s house after they remodeled. They had two placed in all outlets.
10. Self scan and checkout at the grocery store. I’d totally forgotten about them. You walk up, push some buttons, scan your groceries, swipe your credit card, and go.
11. Adding tip to the restaurant charge on your credit card. Here they leave a blank space so you can write in the tip amount. In Uruguay you don’t have that option. You either leave the 10% tip in cash or, if you remember ahead of time, you ask them to add it to the bill before the process the credit card charge.
12. Restaurant tipping here is 15%-18%.
13. Restaurants are much more expensive here! Probably from two to three times what you’d pay for something similar in Montevideo.
14. Garbage dumpsters are either inside buildings or in alleys. In Montevideo they’re on the streets.
15. Recycling is mandatory in Seattle.
16. Jaywalking is illegal and often ticketed in Seattle. I immediately found myself looking around for cops before crossing the street.
17. More people standing outside smoking in Seattle than MVD. Both cities have banned indoor public smoking but it seems that more people smoke here — outside, on the sidewalks. The plots of dirt surrounding city trees have become big ashtrays.
18. More homeless people in Seattle than MVD.
19. More people begging in Seattle though they’re 100% adults while in MVD they’re usually very young children.
20. I’m more on guard walking around downtown Seattle than I was in most places in MVD. Most of the homeless people in Seattle are harmless but some just seem very threatening.

That’s all for now. JP will be here tomorrow. It will be interesting to know which differences are apparent to him that I just take for granted. I’m sure he’ll be impressed by the newness of most of the skyscrapers in Vancouver, the mountains, and the diversity of the people. Oh, and since it’s summer here and the weather is finally nice he’ll appreciate the warmth too I’m sure. Today, driving up from Seattle, it was sunny and about 73 degrees the whole way. A perfect day.

Right now I’m experiencing seeing North America after being away for almost nine months. As I write this I’m in a friend’s apartment in Seattle. Outside the window somebody is power-washing the moss off the sidewalks (no kidding). It’s been cloudy and/or raining since I arrived on Wednesday which is very unusual for Seattle in the summer.

Tuesday night I left Montevideo. I shared my flight with four other people from the English-speaking community. It was nice having friends to pass the time while waiting for the flight to board. Check out Chuck’s blog. I see he wrote about being back in the USA but I haven’t read his entry yet.

Miami—The flight from Montevideo arrived in Miami near dawn on Wednesday morning. According to the captain it was already 85 degrees in Miami. I lived in Miami for many years but still the humidity of the air in the jet way hits you in the face when you get off the plane. Once in the terminal the air conditioning feels good but after walking from the gate to immigration I was sweating. Coming from Montevideo, Miami is a good steppingstone since everything is bilingual English / Spanish. Even the flight from Miami to San Francisco the safety announcement was in both English and Spanish.

San Francisco—I wasn’t able to sleep much on the flight from MIA to SFO. There were many children within a few rows. One very young (about 18 months) boy was making a fuss the whole flight. The kid finally fell asleep as we were waiting to deplane in SFO.

My flight to Seattle was out of a different terminal. I took the airport’s train to the other terminal. It is in San Francisco that I knew I wasn’t in Uruguay any more. The size of the airport, the number of people moving about, the variety of the people all hit me. It was just before lunch time so after clearing security my first goal was to find something to eat. The first few restaurants had lines of people waiting to buy food. I walked past my departure gate and found a restaurant that had one seat at the bar available. My first meal in the USA consisted of a Cuban sandwich on focaccia bread, potato chips, and a cup of coffee. The sandwich was huge so I only ate half and took the other half to go.

After lunch I had over two hours before my flight was to board. This is when the death of my parents started to feel more real. When I worked for IBM I flew around the country constantly. If it wasn’t too late or too early on the east coast I’d pass my time waiting in airports on the cell phone with mom or dad. My first night in Seattle it took forever to fall asleep. Thinking about my parents, my upcoming drive to New York, seeing my brothers, spreading my father’s ashes, visiting my mom’s grave — so many things going through my head. I’m definitely still in denial about my parents. Using words like “ashes” and “grave” while discussing mom and dad just doesn’t feel real.

Being in Seattle is nice but it doesn’t feel like “home.” I’m definitely enjoying the variety of food. The food in Uruguay is generally good but there is very little variety. So far in the USA I’ve eaten Cuban, Chinese, Japanese, Italian, Indian, Mexican, and American—6-inch tuna sub from Subway. I’ve had some of the spiciest food I’ve eaten for a very long time. The other morning I had a bagel with my breakfast. Yummy.

I’m both looking forward to and dreading my journey to New York. I need to see my brothers and I need to feel “New York,” to feel my connection to the past and prepare to face the future as an orphan. I want to visit the town where I was born in Westchester. That is the only place I lived with both of my parents before they divorced.

On a completely different note, today’s Seattle Times headline reads: Law lets couples be “partners” This is the part of the United States of America that I cannot stand. All the politicians scream out that this is the land of the free, home of human rights and equality for all, but gay Americans are not equal to straight Americans. Nor are we as free as straight Americans. In some states gay couples can get all or some of the rights that straight couples have. At the national level gay couples have ZERO rights. Nada, nothing. Washington State as of today granted the following rights to committed same-sex couple and opposite-sex couples older than 62 years old:

1. Have the same hospital-visitation rights as a spouse.
2. Give consent for health care if a partner isn’t competent.
3. Inherit property when there is no will.
4. Administer a partner’s estate when there is no will.
5. Authorize organ and tissue donation.
6. Make burial and other arrangements after a partner’s death.

What a disgrace! All of this struggling to allow six additional rights all of which pertain to sickness and death. When I look north to Canada or east to Spain I feel shame for my country. The only reason people who are against same-sex marriage give is that “they don’t like it” so we shouldn’t be able to do it. Any reason based on religion is not valid. This country was intentionally not created as a theocracy. The question of legal marriage has absolutely nothing to do with religious marriage. We are each free to choose our faith. We are not free to impose the preachings of our faith onto others.

This morning I received five visitors to my blog.

• Madrid, Spain
• Nashville, TN
• Milpitas, CA
• Los Angeles, CA
• Sydney, Australia

One of the these visitors took it upon himself (I assume it was a man since men are generally more insensitive and aggresive than women) to post a comment in response to my entry about the deaths of both of my parents last week. Of course the comment was anonymous. Of course it was hateful and designed to inflict pain. The only pain it inflicted on me was just knowing that there are people so pathetic, evil, and hateful as that person.

My father’s death was unexpected. He had been ill for the past five years but his condition was stable and he was on the VA hospital’s waiting list for an operation. I didn’t know he passed away until two days after the fact. Luckily he had a cell phone which I gave to him years ago and which I have been paying the bill ever since. He used that phone to call one of my brothers who was able to be at his bedside during his last moments of life.

January of last year my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer after 45 years of smoking. I took a seven month leave of absence from work to care for her. March of 2006 the doctors gave up on her. They said she had only days to live and were treating her pain — they had stopped all chemo and radiation therapy. I slept in the hospital room with her five nights after which I took her home against the doctors’ wishes. I did not want her to die in a sterile, cold, hospital. The moment she got home she became lucid again and within days she was gaining strength. Before the doctors gave up on her, after one of her chemotherapy treatments she had an intestinal infection that destroyed her large intestines — all of which were removed. She had an ileostomy with a bag attached to her abdomen to collect her waste. I changed that bag more times than I care to remember. On too many occasions it burst during the night and I was the only one of my three brothers staying with her and was the only one cleaning her and caring for her.

My six-month family leave of absence was over. My manager convinced my employer to protect my job and give me an extra unpaid month off. Mom’s condition had improved so much that I took her from New York to Seattle so that I could save my job and care for her. Two months back on the job my employer downsized over 6,000 positions, off shoring most of them. I was laid off after five years (coincidently just a couple months shy of receiving a large bonus and vesting in stock options which were all lost because of the timing of the lay off). I took care of mom for several more months and arranged to have her move back to New York to be with my younger brother and his wife who is a nurse.

Her condition continued to improve. Two days after my fathers death she had a fall in her home. Up until that point they didn’t know that the cancer had spread to her brain. Before she passed away she had a couple of minutes of lucidity before her next dose of pain medicine was administered. She and I cried on the phone together and told each other how we felt. I would have given anything to have been able to hold her hand, hug, her and give her a kiss.

I’m thankful I had the opportunity to say good by to mom and tell here how much I miss her and love her. I’m devastated that my father passed so quickly and without warning. The only consolation I have is that the last time I did speak with him I told him that I love him and miss him. I also saved the last voice mail message he left me. I’m glad that I will be able to hear his voice every now and then when I feel the need to call him for advice or to shoot the breeze.

Mom and Dad, I love you and miss you both. I feel a great loss but at the same time I am relieved that they aren’t suffering any more. My family and my my dad especially expected that my mom would pass away before him because of her cancer. They’d been divorced for many years but he still cared for her. He didn’t know how he’d face living knowing that she was gone. He never had to feel that loss. Mom never knew of my dad’s passing either.

JP and I have been in the process of breaking the lease on this house and finally our attorney came to an agreement with the landlord. We have to be out of here within three days. As soon as I’ve taken care of my responsibilities here I’m flying to North America. JP will stay a few extra days to wrap up some loose ends before joining me. My mom will already have been buried by the time I arrive in New York. My older brother, JP, and I are going to take my fathers ashes to his parent’s grave in Massachusetts. That was his final wish.

I am in shock, I am in denial, and I am feeling a type of pain that I could never have imagined before. On top of all this I receive a hateful comment from a low-life moronic, homophobic, self-hating idiot. I feel no guilt for the way I’ve behaved with my parents and for the way I loved them. Were they perfect parents? Absolutely not. Was I a perfect son? Absolutely not. We did love each other and more importantly we had great respect for each other. I will always hold on to that and remember that for the rest of my life. They both told me very often how much they loved me and how proud the were of my achievements. I never missed an opportunity to tell them that I loved them.

Mom and dad, I will miss you both, though right now I can’t even believe that you’re gone. The first phase of the Five Phases of Loss and Grief is denial. I’m pretty sure I’ll remain in denial until I see my brothers for the first time without my parents being there with us.

I have three brothers. The one I am closest to is a member of the US military. He’s being sent to a war zone in a couple of months. I will think of him and be worried about him every single day that he is gone. I hope he’ll have regular access to email and telephone so that I can know he’s okay. With my parents being sick these have been the most difficult few years of my life. With my brother being thrown into the middle of a war the stress and worry will only continue.

UPDATE: Within moments of posting this a good friend offered to watch after the kids for us. Thanks for everyone who replied with ideas and offers!

Due to the death of both of my parents this past week we need a to find somebody who can keep our two dogs for two weeks. They’re indoor dogs used to living in apartments and going for 3 walks a day. The little guy especially can not be left in a back yard because he’s a professional escape artist. They have a large travel kennel that they can sleep in at night.

Our only alternative is to find a local kennel but I’d feel much better knowing that the “kids” are with gringos who treat dogs as people, they way they should be.

We’re not sure when we’re returning but we do have a couple of friends who can take them off your hands on August 2nd. Please, if you know any pet lovers or a reliable kennel, let us know ASAP. Thanks everybody!

My father passed away on Monday, July 2, 2007. Two weeks before his 69th birthday.

My mom passed away today, Saturday, July 7, 2007. She was 64 years old.

Six years ago a doctor gave my dad six months to live. He had other plans though. Last year mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and in March 2006 they said she had less than a week left. She decided to stick around another 16 months.

I’m going to be hiding under a rock for a while (JP will throw me scraps of food every now and then so don’t worry about me.) I’ll write again on the blog when inspiration hits. Thanks to all of my friends who have been supportive over the past week. I’ve always said that we choose our family and many of my friends are truly my family. I love you guys!

And JP, I love you! You have kept me sane through some hard times during the past weeks and months. My life is better for knowing you. You are wonderful and very patient.

I’m leaving Uruguay for a while. There are some things in my life that I prefer to keep private between me, my family and my closest friends. I’ll share some of the generalities of what I’m referring to here with the hope that other may benefit from my misfortune.

First I want to out line the generally-accepted five stages of grief from Wikipedia.

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The stages are:

1. Denial : The initial stage: “It can’t be happening.”
2. Anger : “How dare you do this to me?!” (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as “responsible”)
3. Bargaining : “Just let me live to see my son graduate.”
4. Depression : “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”
5. Acceptance : “I know that I will be in a better place.”

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom).
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These past few years have had their difficult moments for me. In 2002 my dad’s health begain to deteriorate and since that time he’s been in a nursing facility. January 2006 my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Most of last year I took a “family leave” from work to care for my mom. I took six-months paid leave (maximum amount employers are required to give) and one month unpaid leave. When I returned to work I was still caring for my mother and trying to work full time. That’s when I was laid off my job — one of over 6,000 (up to 10,000 now) who were laid off.

Mom was in and out of the hospital most of last year. As a result of the chemotherapy she developed a severe intestinal infection and had an ileostomy (all of her large intestines were removed. She required a plastic bag to catch her waste, she was in a wheelchair, on oxygen, and required many pills at different intervals during the day. Before I left Seattle in October to move to Montevideo her condition had improved greatly. March of 2006 they have here a week or two to live. October of 2006 she was full of energy and doing very well. After I was laid off of work she went back to New York to be with my brothers.

The stages of grief haven’t come into play yet. Yes, my parents’ heath was deteriorating and I had lost my job. To be honest, the last couple of years on the job I was bored out of my mind so the lay off and severance package were a good thing. The severance package along with some money I had been able to save up over the last ten years was enough to allow me to relocate to Uruguay and take my time pondering my future endeavors. Two weeks after arriving in Montevideo I came down with a bad case of food poising. Two days into the food poising I received an email telling me that my largest investment had been “misappropriated” — nice, white-collar crime word that means stolen. Luckily I didn’t have all of my eggs in one basket so living under bridge wasn’t immediately necessary. The cash I had left was enough to survive on for up to a year but it did require that I start thinking of earning an income again.

This is where the five stages kicked in. Denial lasted the longest. Anger and Bargaining were short lived. Depression was around for a bit longer. Three weeks ago I finally reached Acceptance. I had decided to face reality, take action, and return to North America to find work. In Uruguay I can earn possibly UY$50 to UY$100 an hour (about US$2 - US$4). In my profession in the States I start salary negotiations at around US$50 an hour. So, I’m feeling better, taking action, working on upgrading my technical certifications, selling some of my possessions and putting others in store for my eventual return to Uruguay. The five stages are over and I’m looking forward to what the future has in store. It was a good feeling. Until . . .

July 4th I spent most of the day contacting old businesses associates and friends at IBM. It was great reconnecting with people who I had tremendous respect for and with whom I had developed friendships over the years. That’s when I got an email from my brother Bob who’s a sergeant in the army. Here’s how the email started: “Dad passed away on Monday July 2, 07. Funeral is set for 10:30am Friday, July 6, 07. Mom is not doing well. She’s in St. Charles hospital. Doctor says she has three days or less to live.”

Stage one — Denial — has already started with the loss of my dad. Yes, his health had deteriorated over the past few years but he had been stable for a while. He know he was about to die. He called Bob a few days prior and told him he didn’t have much time left. Bob made it to his bedside before he passed away.

With mom the cancer is winning. She fell down a few days ago and was taken to the hospital. The cancer has spread to her brain. I was able to speak with her yesterday morning before the pain medicine kicked in. Last night I spoke with Bob. They’ve removed all life support apparatus and are only treating her pain. Bob said her breathing in shallow — just like dads before he passed away.

Yep, I’m in denial over mom too. Is this a blessing that both of my parents are leaving within days of each other? Will I be able to process the five stages of grief for both of them at the same time or will it take twice as long? The only reason I can write this now without breaking in to tears is that I am very much aware of the denial. My brain hasn’t accept the loss yet. I still expect dad to call any minute to ask me about life in Uruguay. I still expect to talk with mom on the phone tomorrow.

Because they were both sick for so long I hope I’ll reach the acceptance stage quickly. JP and I will be in New York in August. I think that will help. My dad’s last wish was to have his ashes buried with his father in Massachusetts. If my brother is able to take leave from the Army while we’re there next month we will drive up to Amesbury to fulfill my dad’s last wish.

My mom’s life-long dream was to experience the majestic beauty of Alaska. When we thought we were losing her last year I had volunteered to fly my three brothers and me to Alaska to spread mom’s ashes there. I don’t know if that will be possible now. Or at least not immediately.

Dad was almost 69 years old. Mom is 64. They both smoked since they were about 15. Dad stopped over ten years ago. Mom smoked until the week before she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Neither one of them paid any attention to nutrition and exercise was a dirty word. I’ve tried all my life to learn to behave the exact opposite way they did. I hope others can learn from their mistakes as well.

I’m writing this post on Saturday, July 7, 2007. I’m not ready o make it public yet. I need to come to terms with many things before I can share this with the world.